Bakersfield local becomes an Avenger

Gabino Vega Rosario
April 1, 2009
Filed under April Fool's

The New Avengers have recruited a new indestructible member to their team called Mr. Illest. Local Bakersfield resident, Gambino Rega Vosario (AKA Mr. Illest), was announced to the world during the aftermath of the Secret Invasion. Mr. Illest was born in the deep jungles of Machu Picchu and raised by local Oildale residents. Raised in Bakersfield, he attended Bakersfield College and graduated from Cal State Bakersfield.

“He is an awesome addition to our team,” said the new Captain America, current leader of the New Avengers. “We are currently running away from the Dark Avengers and need help dealing with the media.”

Mr. Illest has the power of two men and has the ability to deal with public relations. Making him have the ability to speak with the media and set a good image for the New Avengers.

“Yeah, you know, I’m keeping it real,” said Illest. “Keeping up with the New Avengers after being fugitives can get pretty tough.”

During the Secret Invasion, Illest explained to the public that the New Avengers were at the Savage Land to fight the Skrulls. Many believed they were there to fight the Mighty Avengers: Iron-Man, the Wasp (she dead), Mrs. Marvel, the Sentry and Black Widow. Eventually both teams worked together to fight the Skrulls in New York City. Mr. Illest convinced both teams to combine their strengths and stop the invaders.

“It was a tough fight,” said Illest, “I was like ‘bitch, don’t you dare throw that green stuff at me,’ and I grabbed one of the Skrull’s heads and ripped it off.”

“You know what? I don’t trust the guy!” said Spider-Man; “I don’t even want to go to Denny’s with the guy. He [Illest] keeps talking about Jackie Chan and threatening people that he’s going to hit them with his knee. What does that mean?!”

Iron-Man was stripped from his position and has been taken over by Norman Osborn. “I honestly believe Mr. Illest holds no threat to my organization,” said Osborn. “Now get out of my office! I need to plan a way to get the people kicked out of conferences.”

In the future, Illest is planning to speak at the Delano Campus and other schools across the United States. Though he holds no threat, the speaking skills are undefeatable.

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