The movie “Underworld: Evolution” starts in 1202 A.D. with a group of medieval vampires who come across a small village ravaged by werewolves.
Everyone is dead, and there’s some useless dialogue spat between characters until finally the dead villagers begin to turn into werewolves, or Lycans, as the movie wants you to call them.
And you better make sure you call them Lycans when you talk about the movie, because you might run into some dumb jerk who actually liked the movie and will so rudely correct you. Lycan is, of course, short for Lycanthrope, but for some reason the makers didn’t want to call them that. So they shortened it to Lycan in order to emphasize their broad range of creativity.
The CGI has improved since the last film, but it’s still very fake looking. It would be in the best interest of the producers to invest in something other than computer graphics because right now, most of the CGI in movies I’ve seen hasn’t been convincing at all.
This sounds like a drastic measure, but you may be able to get better effects from puppeteers and make-up than CGI at this point.
The protagonist Selene (Kate Beckinsale) and her partner, the half-werewolf half-vampire Michael Corvin (Scott Speedman), come across this secret lab in mountains that they knew about, and go in. They find a dead werewolf that somehow remained intact (supposedly werewolves regress back to their human forms after they die).
Michael was like “Oh, man, this dead werewolf is still a werewolf, that blows my mind. How come it didn’t change back?”
To which Selene replied, “It’s been given an anti-regression serum, see?” showing him a tag on the werewolf, which plainly said:
“TO STOP REGRESSION.”
Wow, good thing that tag was there, or I wouldn’t have known what the hell was going on.
I’m not going to go any further into the story. I’ll let you spend the $8.50 I didn’t have to, because the folks at Pacific Theatres were nice enough to let me in for free. Actually, the real reason I won’t continue with the story is because I really don’t care to, and please don’t waste your money to go see it.
As for a positive note, this movie was better than the original, which isn’t saying much at all.
Also, bad movies always have secondary titles: “Underworld: Evolution,” “Resident Evil: Apocalypse,” “Hammer Head: Shark Frenzy,” etc.
Why do actors in heavy make-up always sound like they have cotton balls in their mouth? They need to redub these folks because it sounds cheesy.
The bad guy was an evil vampire guy with wings. It was kind of cool looking, but there was a scene where he fell off a truck and tumbled off the road, his robe flew up over his head and you could see his underwear, which took some of that coolness away.
The main character was hot.
Another point about bad action movies is that they try to fill in so much of the movie with useless dialogue that no one really cares about or needs to hear.
The writers were probably brain-storming, “You know, I saw some really good chemistry between characters in a really super good four-star movie I was not involved in.
So, I think it would be a smart move to try and recreate some decent character development for our movie.”
The only problem is, of course, they have no idea how to achieve anything close to that, so you’re left with a solid hour of corniness and boredom, when there could have been good fight scenes.
If you in no way possess the skills to pull off decent character growth, you shouldn’t try. If it’s an action movie you’re making, just put more action in it.
And why do the characters bother shooting regular guns at each other? It doesn’t accomplish anything, so what is the point of that?
To summarize this movie, the emotionless team of good guys ran around killing bad guys while listening to every other character’s life story until it finally ended and I was able to leave.