2008 Woodie Awards
THE COLLEGE CURMUDGEON
Wild Kingdom
Fur flies during BC kitty controvercy
Seth Nidever
Issue date: 4/16/04 Section: Offbeat
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On March 31, at 9:55 a.m., he drafted an e-mail to the Bakersfield College staff asking them to stop feeding the collection of wild cats on campus. He had no sooner clicked the "send" button than the fur started to fly.
Catatonic employees all over campus came alive. Taking time out from busy schedules and overburdened workloads, they pounced on their keyboards with a ferocity worthy of the feral felines themselves.
Some, like Gloria Dumler, came out spitting on the cats' behalf. Hackles raised, she bared her rhetorical fangs and accused Day of nothing less than cat baiting. Why, she hissed, didn't SISC, the district's insurance company concerned about cat-borne diseases, extend its policy of faculty-feline segregation to squirrels, gophers and "assorted other animals"?
Day did say SISC was concerned about all wild animals that faculty might be feeding, but he singled out the cats as Feral Enemy No. 1. Actually, he wasn't referring to the cats themselves. He really meant what they leave behind i.e., their crap. Yes, you've undoubtedly seen those noxious, steaming piles all over campus, just waiting to be tracked, smeared, squished or otherwise transported into classrooms, along with the unfriendly bacteria that happily call them home.
Perhaps you even complained to student government. Thanks to Joyce Kirst's e-mail, we have learned that an ASBC representative discussed the issue in Academic Senate. Student government is working with administrators to review cat relocation strategies, the emphasis being, of course, on the method that will cause the hapless felines the least amount of pain and distress.
It is good to see BC tackle this pressing issue. Solving the cat crisis could well be the key to the seemingly unrelated problem of budget cuts. Day should be commended for his foresight in recognizing that feeding the BC cats is the first step on the road to financial ruin. What with all those soft hearted staffers putting out Friskies for our grateful kitties, some are bound to catch diseases which will spread to other staff members, faculty and students. A shrunken work force will mean fewer classes, and with fewer students attending, the college will lose even more funding.
Picture an abandoned campus ruled by roving bands of wild cats defecating and breeding in what used to be the science building, Forum West, the free speech area. Day was right to condemn a practice that could trigger this doomsday scenario. The rage of a few feline-fond employees is a small price to pay to avert disaster.