Renegade Rip

Issue date: 9/26/07 Section: Features

Media Credit: Kelly Ardis Ryan Langdon and Caitlin Marcinkowski compete for a prize at the Kern County Fair.

Media Credit: Kelly Ardis The Ferris wheel is one of the fair's biggest attractions.

Media Credit: Kelly Ardis The Himalaya spins riders around and around.

Media Credit: Kelly Ardis Community members take flight on the giant swings, a mainstay at the Kern County Fair.

I have been told I am crazy for agreeing to go on every ride at the Kern County Fair. But when I went on Thursday, Sept. 20, I was on a mission. I had to find the best, most thrilling ride in the park, and to find out which was the best, I had to ride everything.
I started my journey with the infamous Zipper, which is infamous for a reason. I have never been intimidated by a ride in my life, but as I approached this one, I was a bit frightened.
Nevertheless, I jumped on and attempted to prepare myself. I learned the hard way not to bring anything on the ride. There was room in the cage for my bag, so I assumed I could bring it in, only to get punched in the face with it on several occasions. When my phone escaped my pants pocket, I was lucky enough to catch it before it was damaged, but I was not so lucky when I rode the Zipper a second time. Since I did not learn from my first mistake, I left my phone in my pocket and this time when it fell out, I did not catch it. It flew outside the cage and I can only assume I have good karma, because I managed to get it back. So a word of advice: leave bags and loose items off the ride.
Crazy Train was a ride that lived up to its name. The track is an oval, which spins as the carts are riding along it, doubling the effects of going upside-down. Each cart holds two people, but I would use the word "holds" loosely; despite my attempts to stay in my own seat, I often slid over to the other seat. Regardless of the questionable safety, Crazy Train was fun.
Evolution was an interesting ride. It swings riders back and forth, sometimes going upside-down. It was definitely fun, but I wouldn't recommend it to people who are easily hurt. When the ride was finally over, I had a long list of injuries and the bruises to prove it. When held upside-down, I wasn't really in my seat and the only thing keeping me from falling to my death was a bar across my shoulders and chest. Pressing most of my weight onto that bar was not only uncomfortable but incredibly painful.
Sky Diver is a ride that resembles a typical Ferris wheel, but do not confuse it for such. Each car has a steering wheel in it, allowing riders to twist and turn themselves upside-down if they desire. To anyone considering riding Sky Diver, remember to seat the larger passenger on the left side; getting squished up against the inside of the cart by a body bigger than your own is not fun.
After riding every ride at the fair, I came to a conclusion: the Zipper, despite its craziness, was my favorite ride. Yes, it looks like the oldest, most beat-up ride, and yes, some of the swinging and jerking is probably unintentional, but I think that is what made it fun. There is something exciting about not knowing which way is up, and even when I got off the ride I was still kind of disoriented and couldn't walk straight for a while after.
For those brave enough, I recommend going on your own journey for your favorite fair ride.

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