Six months ago I was battling a life-threatening disease: anorexia. I was anorexic for six months, starting last fall.
One evening I was out on a date with a guy I was head over heels for. He asked me how I stayed so thin.
I told him it was just a combination of high metabolism and exercise. He said to me, “Well, you need to stay thin.” From then on, my life changed. I changed. I never told that guy how his words affected me in such a negative way.
The weird thing is that I never have thought of myself as fat or overweight. All I had was a tiny belly. I believed it to be unattractive and that no one would appreciate it.
I got into the habit of comparing myself to the models in glamour magazines, looking at myself in the mirror, sideways, and seeing only my belly.
If I stopped eating, it would go away. It did go away for a week, but then once I ate, it would come back. This cycle of destruction continued for months. Sometimes I would eat only one meal each day.
One day back in March, it got so bad I was crawling around the house, too tired and weak to walk. I tried to eat, but couldn’t. My stomach was having really bad hunger pains, so drinking lots of liquids helped me feel full, but knew I wasn’t.
I told my mom and she told me to eat. I heated up some leftovers and sat down, eating small, slow bites, forcing myself to eat.
During this profound experience, saltine crackers, 7UP and I became joined at the hip. The 7UP always made me feel better. I was addicted to it. My mom and I had a deep, meaningful conversation that evening.
The next morning, I went to school and spoke to Debra Strong, who is BC’s campus nurse, telling her I was anorexic. I asked her how many cases she has seen while she has been at BC. I was her third case. I guess not too many people come right out and admit they are anorexic.
I still have days when not eating well makes me feel bad. It is now six months later and I try to eat three meals a day, drink plenty of water and juice, and take daily multivitamins and exercise.
I still have a little belly, but now I don’t care as much. My boyfriend, Steve, has been supportive and encouraging. He knows of my past and doesn’t judge me.
My body image doesn’t control my life anymore. I want to focus on my passions and feel healthy, and not on some imagined, unattainable standard of beauty.
I believe that people need to know about someone who went through anorexia. If you know of someone who is anorexic, please get him or her help. For me, it made the difference between life and death.