For 74 years the Academy of Motion Pictures of Art and Sciences has doled out the Oscars, little gold oompa-loompas, to those who have shown excellence within their craft for that year.
For many actors, actresses and directors, receiving one of these golden imps is a representative of several years of effort and hours of commitment.
Yet, times have changed and it’s only appropriate to introduce a new award ushering in the next age of movie entertainment: The First Annual Reality Oscars.
The Reality Oscars will address those who need to be applauded for their work who would not be recognized otherwise.
The rules of The Reality Oscars are as follows: Any movie released in 2002 is eligible and categories are subject to change as I see fit.
This year’s categories and winners are:

Most bizarre
Performance by anyone
This year’s nominees include Kathy Bates in “About Schmidt”, Christopher Walken in “Catch me if you can” and Steve Buscemi, regardless of what movie he is in.
Since Buscemi has won this award year after year- it’s time for change.
Bates scares me on a personal level. It’s not her role in “Misery” that is her scariest, but her unabashed nude hot tub scene in “About Schmidt.”
But even that can’t keep Walken from walking (puns are a plus in the TRO’s) away with the honor.
This guy can make “The Three Little Pigs” story sound like a Mafia shakedown.
Best attempt to act by a musical artist
Breaking away from movies like “Buster” starring Phil Collins and “Purple Rain” with Prince, musical artists can act well in this generation (with the notable exception of Britney Spears). Artists like Jennifer Lopez, DMX and Mandy Moore have done more than just sing on their movies’ soundtrack. Yet, Queen Latifah proved singers can act- and almost steal the show, with her role in “Chicago.” You don’t mess with the queen.

Best Unglamorous Performance by a
Beautiful Person
It’s amazing what messed up eyebrows can do to you. In part of her role as the famous Mexican painter Frieda Kahlo, Salma Hayek makes me almost forget she was the woman in “From Dusk till Dawn” and “Wild Wild West” (even though I don’t admit to ever seeing it). But Nicole Kidman takes the ugly cake and eats every bit of it in her fake nose portrayal of Virginia Woolf in “The Hours.” All Kidman needed was a pointy hat and a broom, and she has her Halloween costume ready to go. I’m sure Tom Cruise has seen it 50 times by now, laughing his head off each time.
Best waste of time and money –Period

Some movies are bad, very bad.
Yet, once in a while one of these really bad flicks grows on you– a Quasimodo type of movie so absurd that you can’t help but identify with it. “Undercover Brother” is this year’s winner. With huge O.J. Simpson-like afros everywhere, bad ethnic jokes, and cheesy stars, one can’t help but wonder how this film made it out of production. Still, a funky James Bond has a place in my heart regardless of how many hair forks and cheap one-liners he uses