The theater was large, the enthusiasm great and the crowd … small. This was the atmosphere of the Kern County Short Film Festival on Saturday morning at The Majestic Fox Theater.
My efforts to meet the next big director were met with much dismay. The first filmmaker was a 12 year-old girl, I doubted she was on her way to Hollywood. Yet, I was still hoping that she had “Little Man Tate.”
Sigh. I decided to focus on the films and sat down to watch the upcoming movies, which became my second mistake.
The first was a suspense thriller titled, “Disposable.” It’s about this geeky actor who finds a disposable camera with more than 20 exposures left. He takes the camera and uses it on his trip, but when the film gets developed the first few pictures are that of a girl being murdered. Good idea, but a lot of films start out as “good ideas” then turn into junk. Just look at “Gods and Generals” or “Glitter.”
The next films I saw wasn’t any better. One was about a guy dealing with the death of a boy he ran over while driving under the influence. Another was about a girl lost in the desert, then a horribly edited teen documentary about drunken driving.
The highlight was a stop-motion comedy about fishing gear that takes itself on a fishing trip. I liked that one the best. The performance of the fishing net was definitely Oscar worthy.
It all came to a halt for me as I received a phone call from my wife, which meant it was time to leave. I wanted to stick around, but I think fate got me out of that theater. Bad cinema makes me nauseous.
I hate to criticize, but let’s face it, there are good movies and bad movies, and I saw some bad ones. I still got some great interviews that you’ll never see, but hey, who cares?
There was something I learned about independent film, though. All you really need is a digital camera, a computer, some editing software and a bunch of actors willing to work for free. Yes, you too can be a cult icon thanks to the advancement of technology and people’s greed to be famous. Heck, I’m one of those people, and due to the number of rejection letters from agencies and production companies that I’ve received over the years, I’ve decided to aim low and work in porn.
Those porn types are always looking for saps with ideas and I hear the money isn’t too bad, either. So, instead of hoping to write “Men in Black 3,” I’m looking to write “Men in Black Women 3” and watch the success roll from there. See you on the covered shelves folks. I’m moving to Van Nuys to be a star.