The Renegade Rip

Man tries to apply makeup

Marcus Castro, Contributing Editor

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My first idea for this commentary was to review a pedicure from a man’s standpoint, as most men don’t get pedicures. I looked at my bank account and realized I couldn’t afford a pedicure.

My colleague gave me a new idea, and the next thing I knew, I’m standing in my restroom with a spread of my mother’s makeup in front of me.

My mother described the step-by-step process of applying the products that she provided for me. I sat there confused as could be and began to put makeup on my face.

I started out by putting primer on my face. I looked like a Native American warrior before I began to spread it around.

The second the first layer of makeup hit my face, I felt uncomfortable and mad. I hated every bit of it.

Next up was the powder that I put on my face. Honestly, it made me feel kind of pretty, but I was still uncomfortable.

Next, I began to put eye shadow on. When my mother showed me what to do, it seemed really easy. Well, it wasn’t easy at all. I messed it up three times before I got it right. My mother was laughing at me as I was getting extremely frustrated because I made myself look like a raccoon over and over again.

One of the worst parts to me was putting on the eyeliner. It was so close to my eyeballs, and it scared me to death the whole time I was applying it to my eyelids. To my surprise, I didn’t completely mess it up.

The eyeliner immediately made my eyes pop. My mother’s boyfriend came into the restroom and was shocked at how much my eyes popped. Still mad at the fact that I had makeup on, I began to realize that even though I looked ridiculous, I still looked damn good.

The next step for me was putting lip liner on. It was so hard for me to line my lips properly. I felt like I needed to be Picasso in order to put it on properly. The lip liner turned out pretty bad.

Next was the lipstick. I instantly messed that up. I had it all on and around my lips, so I had to start wiping it off to make it look decent.

I absolutely hate lipstick. It tastes like a knock-off crayon, and it feels extremely uncomfortable. It made me not want to shut my mouth because of how sticky and uncomfortable it made my lips feel.

When it was all said and done, I looked in the mirror and saw that I didn’t do a horrible job. I looked ridiculous, but I did not look hideous.

Washing it all off was one of the best feelings I’ve ever had; I felt free and clean.

I want to tell all the women that use makeup daily that I am sorry you have to go through the process of applying makeup, and I am sorry that you have to have the makeup on your face all day long.

I know that I wouldn’t be able to do it because I absolutely hated how it felt on my face.

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Man tries to apply makeup